Some Rambling Thoughts

I have written before that God has answered prayers quickly for Rachel and I. Well after a series of phone calls, and a few days of anxiety, it turns out that Rachel's therapist is on the same page I am that her visits with her mom should be much more slow and controlled than what had been purposed by one of Rachel's social worker's last week. I am sure all the back and forth about plans to see her mom is hard for Rachel, but I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable about the way it was being handled, and I think God answered our prayers and worked it out! Thank you for your prayers for this issue and please don't stop. This will continue to be a tender issue for us. We need God's perfect timing.

In connection with that issue I concluded today that I really need to talk with that particular social worker. I feel pretty bitter at the way she handled my concerns in our meeting last week. I want to approach her in a way that is not attacking, but helps her see my perspective and a better way for the future. The hard thing is that I am angry at her, and I don't trust her. I need God to soften my heart and give me words for the situation.

Tonight I went to dinner with some friends after telling the Kodatt's goodbye (see other post). I was asking my friend's Jake and Wendy how they became Christians. Then Rachel said, "ask me how I became a Christian." So I asked her and she said, "you." When I asked her when and how, she explained that I read the Bible to her, I pray with her every night and we go to church every Sunday, ("even though I am always board"). It was a works-oriented explanation but there is definitely something stirring in her. Before those comments she had prayed for our dinner, and for the Kodatt's when we told them goodbye. This is a new thing. She usually falls asleep at night with me praying really long prayers for everyone we love and all the situations in our life (she is scared at night and loves me to be there as long as possible so I use the time to pray). At the beginning of the night and before meals, I always ask if she wants to pray or wants prayer for anything and she always says "no." I have some concern that she just wants to fit in. Rachel is a great adapter from years of practice, but when she begs me to read Bible stories at night I know the Holy Spirit is at work.

It is neat how God is using all this Bible reading and prayer time for so many purposes in our little family. We are bonding during that time, it gives us routine, Rachel is being stirred spiritually, and I am growing from it too. I can't tell you all I am learning from reading the Old Testament stories to her and spending so much time in prayer. God is good to provide for my soul, even in the midst of laying down my life for another. I was thinking today. God must have seen sacrifice as something worth while. I mean he must have gotten something good out of it. There is blessing in sacrifice, even if it seems counter intuitive. I am living proof. OK so don't get the wrong idea that I am all rainbows and candy canes. I have been really grumpy the last couple days, totally lacking patience. I feel like my spiritual growth and my sin are surfacing simultaneously. It's the Christian walk I think, a step in the flesh, a step in the Spirit, a true battle. Reading the stories of the Israelites wandering in the desert I see myself, praising God for getting me out of Egypt, only to curse Him out of hunger and thirst a week or two later. I noticed that God only gave the people of Israel enough manna for one day. They had to depend on His faithfulness day after day. That represents my life. I am never sure about tomorrow, but every morning when I go to bed, the pillar of fire protects me, and when I get up the pillar of cloud directs me. Well, here are my rambling bedtime thoughts. If you didn't make it through, I understand.