Christmas confusion

Maybe it's just me, but Christmas brings such a mix of feelings. There is the spiritual significance, which seems to be in a fight with the sheer business of holiday cheer for a little attention. Then there is the lack of sleep that has become tradition in my family (watching midnight mass at St Peter's Basilica on TV even though we are not Catholic, then an early wake-up for presents). Then there is the family overload (rollicking fun bordering on over-intensity), and the things to be done (the 3 D's/Dinner, Dishes and Dessert). Add a rather rejecting Rachel in with that, and there was a rather weepy me driving home from my parent's late Christmas night. I can't really tell you in full, why I was crying, but I know part of it was loneliness. Each year at Christmas I tend to feel my aloneness more and more. As my siblings are mostly paired with someone, and my family all fights with their typical intensity for their share of attention, I sometimes just wish I had someone who cared specifically about me. I think feeling was magnified because Rachel literally ignored me the entire day. She buddied up to everyone in the family but did not even want me to touch her. Even though this was hard and wrong, the truth is she is the kid and I am the mom. It's not her job to fill that loneliness for me. I always wonder what it means to trust God as my husband at moments when I feel such a need for an earthly companion. I can't say I know. This Christmas I just sat in the feeling of the whole thing and asked God to come to me. After all that's the beauty of Christmas. For God so loved the world that He SENT DOWN His only son. He comes to me even when I know not where to move. Have a wonderful Sunday!