It's almost here... and I'm not talking about Christmas

One week from today I will be an official mom! December 18th at 10am we go to court. I am so excited!

Today was the Christmas party for the clients at work. Because Rachel is still a "client" of Family Care Network where I'm employed, she came. The Family Care Christmas party has probably been one of the few Christmas traditions she has had in her life. She has been going for most of the last 6 or 7 years. Inspite of this fact, as I watched her today I thought, "this is another tradition that I will be happy to let go!" She was so anxious when we were there. She had so much history there seeing old social workers, foster parents and other kids in the "system," that she used to know. There were good intentions and good moments but its not a good history. Even though I think it is hard for her to imagine a world without Family Care Network and DSS, I think she will find it mostly a relief. It is neat to see how she is excepting things more and more. In the last few days she has told quite a few people that I am her "mother." I love it! She and I have been trying to come up with something she can call me besides "Brooke" or "Mom." Please leave a comment if you have any ideas. So far we have had some good laughs but no real solid ideas. Most ideas end up sounding like something you call your grandmother.

We have invited quite a few social workers, family and friends coming to court with us next Thursday. At the Christmas party today I ran into one of Rachel's old social workers who I greatly dislike. The minute I saw her I got this icky feeling in my stomache. She preceeded to tell me that she was coming to the court date on the 18th. It made me so mad! I never invited her but I guess another DSS social worker told her the date so she decided to come. It's a stupid thing and I have to let go of it. I am becoming aware that I have some forgiveness that needs to happen in my heart when I react to her so strongly. Rachel doesn't have hard feelings toward her or I would say something but I think its probably best to be gracious about it. I guess that's what I am saying about the whole fostercare piece, it just feels so invasive and that is just another example. In spite of being relieved I am also a little sad. I like the challenge of being a foster parent. There is some part of me that feels like I was created to be a foster parent. I love relationships, crisis and challenge. I feel like God gave me a certain blend of patience and spunk to do well with difficult kids and he has given me a heart for them. I get to use all my communication skills and all kinds of creative interventions and it causes me to depend on the Lord so much. I know that I will still be on my toes with Rachel but it's in a different way. I am not complaining because this is what all the hard work is for- healing. Being able to see her healing take place so drastically is AMAZING! In time another kiddo may come along that is meant for me. We will see. In the mean time, I am just so stinking excited that the day that Rachel will be an offcial part of my family is just around the corner. Her journey isn't over but I can't express how great it is that she can finally belong to someone and stop being "a foster kid." It also really great that the someone she belongs to gets to be me!