So this is what Rachel wrote in "About Me" section of her MySpace profile.
"HI MY NAME IS RACHEL AND I LIKE TO PARTY I AM IN THE PROCESS OF BEING ADOPTED BY THIS REALLY GREAT PERSON AND THE TRUTH IS I'M NOT REALLY NICE TO HER AND I KNOW I SHOULD TREAT HER BETTER BUT I AM REALLY NICE OTHERWISE! TTYF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Today Rachel got a MySpace. While many of you may think I am insane for letting her have one, it is something that she has spent 2 months earning with her behavior. When we first wrote up the contract (yes is was written out and signed) about what she would have to do to earn a MySpace, I really didn't think she could pull it together to do it. It really shows how much her behavior has improved. It was fun setting it up today because I could see how much it makes her feel like an average girl her age. The concerns about MySpace are real. It's not always easy to avoid the skanky ads or find appropriate choices for backgrounds but believe me, Rachel's MySpace has so many parameters around it that I am not as worried about what info is getting into her, as what messages she is sending out. As you can see by what she wrote above, the way she portrays herself is a mixed bag. Setting up her profile was a good chance for us to talk about the idea that we are telling other people about who we are by what we say, wear, and value. It's also a great time to set limits with discussion and to allow her some individuality and expression through compromise. When we were choosing a background she of course wanted all kinds of provacative images. I told her to choose something that my dad or David could look at without having to think of sex or body parts. We live in such an oversexed culture that it is really hard for kids her age to understand why it's not ok to portray sexiness as your #1 trait. I think she was getting it though, I could see her trying. It was a challenge figuring out how much to compromise. We discussed that she is going to add "with my family" to "I like to party" so it doesn't sound like she is getting trashed every night. I have to admit that her profile is a bit dark for my taste (a lot of black and skulls) but I decided it wasn't the battle I wanted to fight, and let her put it on. I guess we just muddle our way through these compromises and depend on our relationship to continue the discussions.
So speaking of relationship, did you see what else she wrote? I can really feel Rachel letting down her guard with me. I am pretty sure she will earase those kind and insightful comments tomorrow, but it means something that she put them there today. She went out with her Social Worker this afternoon and I know that her Social Worker was going to try to discuss more with her about if she wants to be adopted. She was also going to bring some clarity to the confusion Rachel might have had regarding the letter her mom wrote to her. Of course these conversations are only really possible if Rachel wants to go there. I don't know what they talked about but it seemed like Rachel was in a good place both before and after their time together. The fact that she is writing about adoption is HUGE! She even wanted to make her profile name "Rachel Cone." Its always two steps foreward and one step back in this whole attachment process but I can see us moving foreward which is very exciting. We seriously need to praise God because during those months of testing I could only hope for this!
I am going to a women's retreat at Mnt Hermon. Rachel has been a little under the weather and keeps saying that she doesn't want me go this weekend, which is unusual and makes it a little hard to go. Her therapist pointed out that seperation anxiety is a normal part of attachement and development, so it's actually a very good sign. I always remind myself that it's good for Rachel to see me leave and come back, and for everything to be just the same afterwards, but I still feel a little bit bad about it.
Well I hope you all have a great weekend!
P.S. Does anyone know what TTYF stands for? Hopefully it's not bad. If I am going to be a MySpace monitoring guru I better get a little more hip and learn all these acronyms.
"HI MY NAME IS RACHEL AND I LIKE TO PARTY I AM IN THE PROCESS OF BEING ADOPTED BY THIS REALLY GREAT PERSON AND THE TRUTH IS I'M NOT REALLY NICE TO HER AND I KNOW I SHOULD TREAT HER BETTER BUT I AM REALLY NICE OTHERWISE! TTYF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Today Rachel got a MySpace. While many of you may think I am insane for letting her have one, it is something that she has spent 2 months earning with her behavior. When we first wrote up the contract (yes is was written out and signed) about what she would have to do to earn a MySpace, I really didn't think she could pull it together to do it. It really shows how much her behavior has improved. It was fun setting it up today because I could see how much it makes her feel like an average girl her age. The concerns about MySpace are real. It's not always easy to avoid the skanky ads or find appropriate choices for backgrounds but believe me, Rachel's MySpace has so many parameters around it that I am not as worried about what info is getting into her, as what messages she is sending out. As you can see by what she wrote above, the way she portrays herself is a mixed bag. Setting up her profile was a good chance for us to talk about the idea that we are telling other people about who we are by what we say, wear, and value. It's also a great time to set limits with discussion and to allow her some individuality and expression through compromise. When we were choosing a background she of course wanted all kinds of provacative images. I told her to choose something that my dad or David could look at without having to think of sex or body parts. We live in such an oversexed culture that it is really hard for kids her age to understand why it's not ok to portray sexiness as your #1 trait. I think she was getting it though, I could see her trying. It was a challenge figuring out how much to compromise. We discussed that she is going to add "with my family" to "I like to party" so it doesn't sound like she is getting trashed every night. I have to admit that her profile is a bit dark for my taste (a lot of black and skulls) but I decided it wasn't the battle I wanted to fight, and let her put it on. I guess we just muddle our way through these compromises and depend on our relationship to continue the discussions.
So speaking of relationship, did you see what else she wrote? I can really feel Rachel letting down her guard with me. I am pretty sure she will earase those kind and insightful comments tomorrow, but it means something that she put them there today. She went out with her Social Worker this afternoon and I know that her Social Worker was going to try to discuss more with her about if she wants to be adopted. She was also going to bring some clarity to the confusion Rachel might have had regarding the letter her mom wrote to her. Of course these conversations are only really possible if Rachel wants to go there. I don't know what they talked about but it seemed like Rachel was in a good place both before and after their time together. The fact that she is writing about adoption is HUGE! She even wanted to make her profile name "Rachel Cone." Its always two steps foreward and one step back in this whole attachment process but I can see us moving foreward which is very exciting. We seriously need to praise God because during those months of testing I could only hope for this!
I am going to a women's retreat at Mnt Hermon. Rachel has been a little under the weather and keeps saying that she doesn't want me go this weekend, which is unusual and makes it a little hard to go. Her therapist pointed out that seperation anxiety is a normal part of attachement and development, so it's actually a very good sign. I always remind myself that it's good for Rachel to see me leave and come back, and for everything to be just the same afterwards, but I still feel a little bit bad about it.
Well I hope you all have a great weekend!
P.S. Does anyone know what TTYF stands for? Hopefully it's not bad. If I am going to be a MySpace monitoring guru I better get a little more hip and learn all these acronyms.
2 comments:
TTYL is talk to you later, but I dont know what TTYF would be.
Brooke,
I am not saavy on ttyf either. I looked it up on allacronyms.com and it means "take that you fiend". Interesting...would have never guessed that in a million years! Have a great weekend....totally wishing I was there to go with you and be your roommate! :-)
Post a Comment