Happy Valentine's Day Friends!

An update:
(I thought about calling it a "quick update" but then I remembered that I was the one writing it)

In the court hearing Rachel did ask the judge to move out of my house and in with an uncle she doesn't really know, but nothing really came of it, at least in the short term. Since then we have had lots of the usual ups and downs. Some good parts of the evening, and some where she pulls the whole, "I hope I move with my uncle" line. The issues about Rachel's long-term plan are still being worked out, so please continue to pray that God will protect Rachel and give the team a strong clear plan.

To be a little more vulnerable, I must admit that on Monday (the day of court) I found myself really angry at Rachel for wanting to move. Even though I knew intellectually that it was a new way of testing me, it was really hard for me not to take it personally. Apparently she found a button to push that really worked! In response to my very strong emotional reaction, I have had to ask myself some hard question. I have been asking myself if I am willing to trust God, even if His plan does not involve Rachel ever accepting me as a mom, or even if DSS or the court says she is eventually going back with her mom. I spent some time in confession last night, letting go of some of my unacknowledged hopes and dreams, and being honest about my my anger, pride and selfishness. This week I have been getting up extra early to read the Bible and pray. I am not a morning person so this is a struggle, but I can truly say that The Word has been my lifeblood. It has really made a difference. I have felt so calm today. I MUST cling to our Lord continually!

On a funny note Rachel and I got up early to dye her hair with red Koolaide because it was "Crazy Hair Day" at school. It pretty much just turned her scalp bright red. I left my camera at my grandpa's house so I didn't get any pictures but it will be a great memory. It was very funny!

Here are some chunks out of 2 Samuel 22 that my friend sent me in a card just out of the blue this week; I was amazed at how the words spoke to both my exhaustion and my battle.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation... I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised... the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me... In my distress I called upon the Lord, Yes, I cried to my God; and from His temple He heard my voice, and my cry for help came into His ears... He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters... He delivered me... the Lord was my support. He also brought me forth into a broad place; He restored me because He delighted in me... For you are my Lamp, O Lord; and the Lord illumines my darkness. For by you I can run upon a troop; by my God I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is blameless; the word of the Lord is tested; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. For who is God, besides the Lord? God is my strong fortress; and He sets the blameless in His way. He makes my feet like hinds feet and sets my on high places. He trains my hands for battle, so that my arms can bend a bow for bronze. You have also given me the shield of your salvation and Your help makes me great. You enlarge my steps under me and my feet have not slipped... For You have girded me with strength for battle... I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the nations, and I will sing praise to your name."