On Being Delighted In.

So being a mom doesn't always mean growing up, as this picture represents.

I am learning to delight in Rachel. I know that she can tell when I am doing this.

I delight in her by laughing with her, dancing with her, and learning to let go of the expectations I have, or I feel others might have. This is a process that starts over every day.

As soon as I started introducing Rachel into areas of my personal life I found that it was hard for me to go into a public setting and have her sing a hip hop song over and over, or bounce off the walls at a family event, or burp during dinner, and not constantly worry about what people thought. I am having to let that go. There are so many adjustments in our life, and so many battles to be fought and I found that I could spend all my energy correcting Rachel, and very little just lovin' on her. It was stressful for both of us. So I am learning to relax, stand back, and let people react to her how they will. Its been successful so far because my family and friends here have been a fountain of unconditional love for Rachel.

Tonight I was with my family and it is amazing to watch them. They have taken Rachel into their folds in the blink of an eye. She refers to my mom and dad as "grandma" and "grandpa," which is fun but weird too as she is the first "grandchild." They hug her, allow her to show them the same dance to the same song a gazillion times in one evening, laugh at her jokes, enjoy watching her excitement in the form of uncontrollable laughter, and give her the attention she craves even when they can hardly get a word in edgewise. Don't get me wrong, I am working hard to provide her structure and set expectations for her behavior BUT she needs this love and attention desperately, even if she doesn't ask for it in the perfect, pleasing way. Guiding a child's heart is an impossible task, but tonight when I saw my family loving me and my daughter with such unconditional delight, I knew the power of delight. It breaks through bitterness, hopelessness, pain, fear, doubt, loss and shame. I venture to say there's a spiritual lesson here.